On the Feast of the Sacred Heart

Today is day six of a Novena to Pray for a Healing or a Cure. My mother is very ill, and at this point we don't really know what's physically wrong with her. She is resting comfortably at home, awaiting another attack, where her body haemorrhages. On Saturday night, after taking her to the hospital (2am) I cleaned up the blood all over the bathroom and part of her bedroom. It looked like a crime scene.

Yesterday, I cleaned their place up again, as the first time was just to get rid of the obvious blood. I found out that blood, left to its own devices, can foul up the place pretty bad. It took a lot of work to get rid of the smell. Even though the blood wasn't visible, the smell was enough to send one reeling.

I steam cleaned the carpets, prayed, and was surprised to see Gary show up. He did an amazing job finishing the steam cleaning.

This has been an amazing journey, this week, praying with Mom and dealing with Dad, and my sisters, and my family and my own interior life. Today I am alone, and I was beginning to make excuses, not to see Jesus today on His Feast day of the Sacred Heart. The novena I've been praying for 6 days now, has the Litany to the Sacred Heart in it.

Today I am emotionally and spiritually drained. I've been fighting the good fight, trying to console my father and my sisters, being there for my family. Today I wanted a day of quiet, away from all, to rest.

It's also Canada Day. The rest of the city is in Cloverdale, whooping it up with music, dance and festivities. There's no way I could be there, as today I've also been visited by a migraine, my little companion today. It constantly reminds me that too much noise, too much light, too much of anything and I'm going to pay. It's ruling my day.

I have just enough time to go upstairs, put on some more suitable attire, grab the darkest glasses I can find, and brave the outdoors. For Jesus. Because it's on days like this, when I don't feel His presence, don't hear His voice, don't have His consolation, want to just hide under blankets, don't want to even answer the phone, that He is closest to me. And I need to say a quiet thanks.

Coincidences?

My May 4 post spoke of my continuing journey with Jesus, through John 15. Since May 4, I've gardened, prayed, read, prayed, spent time with almost everyone I love, learned to love more.

It's been beautiful. I also gained a new trust and love for Mary, Help of Christians. It's interesting. She's now showing up everywhere. I have a statue of her in my garden. I pulled a prayer card out of an old jacket as I was going out, yup, there she is, a prayer for Mary Help  of Christians. We meet in a room, called, yup, Mary Help of Christians Hall. It's all becoming very interesting. So I asked her to pray for me, nonchalantly, just in passing, "Sweet Mother, Pray for me, that God's will be done." That's it.

So on the Feast day of Mary Help of Christians I get a phone call for a job. I didn't really even formally apply there, just sent an email. That was on May 24. They wanted me to start the very next day, on May 25.

I said yes. Then I remembered. I try to read the readings of Mass before Mass. The readings for May 25?
Yes. Yup. John 15 Verses 1-8.

God is hitting me over the head with His love.

I'm now there for a few weeks. I'll be able to go to Europe in August. And I'm working with some very wonderful people, five minutes away from home.

Of course I still love the people I was working with and my heart aches for them, but I do feel really blessed right now.

And I'm going to abide with Jesus as much as I possibly can.

I also learned a lesson about appreciation today, and I can't wait to give my husband the biggest hug and kiss.

That's all she wrote.

Lent Through to the Divine Mercy

How do you describe this journey? This was one of the most interesting Lenten and Easter through to Divine Mercy experiences for me...

This Lent compared to last year was very interesting. Last year I journaled every day. This year, I only wrote through a retreat that I took.  Last Lent as I recall was a conversation with God where I did all the talking. This year, I couldn't talk. I couldn't pray. I couldn't write. I struggled through a desert.

But God spoke to me very strongly.

I am the true vine, and my Father is the vine grower.

He takes away every branch in me that does not bear fruit, and everyone that does he prunes  so that it bears more fruit.

You are already pruned because of the word that I spoke to you.

Remain in me, as I remain in you. Just as a branch cannot bear fruit on its own unless it remains on the vine, so neither can you unless you remain in me.

I am the vine, you are the branches. Whoever remains in me and I in him will bear much fruit, because without me you can do nothing.

Anyone who does not remain in me will be thrown out like a branch and wither; people will gather them and throw them into a fire and they will be burned. If you remain in me and my words remain in you, ask for whatever you want and it will be done for you.

By this is my Father glorified, that you bear much fruit and become my disciples.

As the Father loves me, so I also love you. Remain in my love.

If you keep my commandments, you will remain in my love, just as I have kept my Father's commandments and remain in his love.

"I have told you this so that my joy may be in you and your joy may be complete.

 

I have lost count of how many times this Lent and Easter that particular scripture came up. Over and over again. From Westminster Abbey, in prayer,  to pruning my own trees, to walking and listening, and driving my car. The Scripture would come on the radio, or a podcast, or in various places. During this period, I got laid off after working there for 9 years, lost a transmission in my car; may have possible serious medical issues — all these physical or secular things that really, in the big picture, have no relevance to my relationship with God.

Since Easter, I am trusting in Him more. I am praying more. I am rejoicing more. Even though I do not know what tomorrow brings (and I never have) I worry less.

 

I have been able to see the beauty of new faith in the Easter Vigil. Praise God. I have had the extreme grace to be able to be there for my aging parents. Praise God. I have had the joyful grace of spending time with my sister. Praise God. I have had the inspiration of several paintings in my head, like seeds that need to sprout. Praise God.

I am a walking contradiction. And I like it.