Every year, like every other Catholic I know, we look forward to making big changes through Lent. More of this, less of that. And every year, like every Catholic I know, I fall short. It's never a perfect situation.
I've come to the understanding this year that it's not supposed to be. I think we're supposed to see the humanness in our trying, and the human-ness in our failing.
After all the whole purpose in the end, is recognizing that we need God in our life.
Big stuff this year. I was giving up drinking any kind of alcohol. I'm not a heavy drinker by any stretch of the imagination. I thought this would be easy. I thought that I would normally have a glass of wine two or three times a week, and a one cocktail maybe once or twice as well.
It's interesting, because I sure "felt" like having a glass of wine a lot more than I thought I used to. And of course, yesterday ... almost at the end of Lent, I gave in to not one, but two glasses of amazing red wine. So there's a fail. But no more. I'm waiting until well after Easter to have another. (At least I hope)
The other thing was to get to Mass early. The 7:30 Mass, but not only that, to pray with the Priests, the morning Liturgy of the Hours. Originally, quite good. But then this week, hit with the biggest cold I've had in years. It seemed more than a cold. I couldn't stay awake, I was so weak. Gary got the same cold, so we walked around the house like zombies for three days.
Am I beating myself up about this? No. I think the "trying really hard" was the real lesson. And knowing that no matter how hard I try, I will always need God's help to really succeed.
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